Who would be Gary Caldwell?
Anyone who visits Celtic Park on any sort a regular basis can't possibly have helped noticing a strange new chant that has been growing in use amongst large sections of the Celtic support over the last year or so. Like all truly great footballing bastardisations of the English language, the chant is beautiful in it's simplicity; a mere two words that, while almost Swiftian in form and expression, captures perfectly the passion and anguish of the average working class footballing fan as he/she struggles (wo)manfully through that 90 minute spiritual journey they have to endure on any given Saturday.
It's not often that The Paranoid Tim is so taken by the collective mutterings of football fans that he feels compelled to pen an article for posting on his puffed up and self-important (yet barely read) little corner of cyberspace, but in this case he'll make an exception. A chant such as this is surely worth bringing to the consciousness of those not yet fortunate enough to have encountered it during their own spiritual journey of following the hoops.
With this in mind, and in the hope that the chant can be spread to all corners of every stadium in the land, here's a little guide for how to successfully join in with the latest craze around Celtic Park.
1. Take your seat in the stadium. It's best to get there early in order to ensure you don't annoy everyone around you by turning up 5 minutes late, forcing half the people on your row to stand and let you past.
2. Use the time before kick off to prepare you for the following 90 minutes. This should involve slowly building up levels of irritation and exasperation. A good method of doing this is to go for a pie (expensive, greasy AND lukewarm), or by browsing Gordon Strachan's team selection and noting with disapproval that Derek Riordan still isn't getting a game. Doing this in the presence of another supporter on the same spiritual chanting quest as yourself will speed up the process of building levels of exasperation, as will watching the footage of previous Celtic games on the screens.
3. By kick off you should be tingling with annoyance. The hairs on the back of your neck should be up and trying to have a square go with a steward. If you can keep them under control, focus your energies on being irritated that the huddle isn't what it used to be in the good old days when players knew what it meant to wear the Hoops; when they knew what it meant to do the huddle (and when they knew what it meant to go seasons at a time winning hee-haw). Channel that annoyance into your rapidly building pool of irritability.
4. The start of the game is vital, and you must remain completely focused on the task at hand. Use the first few minutes wisely. Late arrivals who force the people in the seats in front of you to stand, blocking your view of another ball being launched up towards big Jan, can be used to increase the sourness of your mood. Particularly if they have a pie and coke. Mutter under your breath, but remain focused. Should Celtic score an early goal, join in the celebrations, but never lose sight of the fact that you had twenty quid on Brown to score the first goal and that wee bastard McDonald has done you out of a pile of cash.
5. And now for the chant. It can come at any time, so you have to be prepared to join in as and when it happens. Signs to look out for, which may herald an imminent eruption of the chant, include the following; Celtic losing a goal, or being behind at any stage in a match; The opposition keeping the ball from our bewildered midfield for more than 10 seconds; Celtic being unable to keep possession for 3 passes; Celtic not being ahead at any point after 10 minutes; the ball being passed towards our number 5. Should any of these conditions arise the chant can start
Furfuxsake Caldwell!
Listen to it ring round the stadium, and, should you feel brave enough, join in!
Okay, so we're being a little silly. But there is a serious point in amongst all that guff that you've just had to read through. Sure it's buried away deep inside endless lines of nonsense, but I'm sure if you look hard enough you can perhaps see the jist of an argument staring back at you with a rabid, frenzied glare last seen on Iain Ferguson's fizzog that time someone tried to explain Calculus to him.
But for those of you who skipped all that excess wordage, here is the point. There are an alarming number of Celtic fans who seem to want nothing better than to watch certain Celtic players fail while wearing the Hoops. There are an alarming number of 'supporters' who spend their 90 minutes on a Saturday watching and waiting for certain Celtic players to make a mistake that gives them a chance to jump all over the players back. And there are an alarming number of Celtic supporters who will do this week in, week out, regardless of how the player in question is actually playing.
Currently, Celtic have two whipping bhoys. Evander Sno is spared much of it because he barely plays. But he only has to appear from the dugout for the murmurs to start. Gary Caldwell, on the other hand, has to endure 90 minutes of moans and murmurs and furfuxsakeCaldwells every time he takes to the field.
Now the following opinion may be controversial to some of you. What I'm about to say may be some sort of footballing blasphemy along the lines of Dylan going electric, but I'll say it anyway. Gary Caldwell is not the worst player ever to pull on the Hoops. He isn't even the worst player in our current squad. Gary Caldwell is actually a decent, solid (if average) footballer.
There. I've said it. Deep breathe. Take a second to ponder that, all you Furfuxsake Caldwell! chanters. Allow the thought to permeate into your consciousness and let it gently simmer there while I explain why I think such blasphemous thoughts.
I'll take last nights match against Falkirk as an example. Caldwell had a good game. He wasn't spectacular, but then he never is. No one is suggesting that he's any kind of Cafu while playing at Right Back. But boy does he put in a good shift. For 90 minutes last night he worked the right hand side from box to box, always making himself available, never hiding from a pass, always willing to provide an outlet and offer support where needed. For 90 minutes he played good balls down the line for Scott McDonald to run on to, usually following up his own pass to provide support. And while others in the team are content to launch the high ball up the park whenever possible, Caldwell usually looked for feet, or for the run, or for the simple pass out of a tight situation. Defensively, he made one vital block that kept the scoreline at 1-0, and provided good cover throughout the 90 minutes.
Yet despite this, come the 75th minute he played a poor pass straight to a Falkirk player and it started. Furfuxsake Caldwell! 3-0 against a team down to 10 men, he's barely put a foot wrong all night, and still it happens.
Now I'm not saying for a minute that Gary Caldwell was man of the match. But he did have a good, solid game. And that's usually what you get from him. Rarely spectacular, but in the same light, rarely dreadful - yet more blasphemy, I'm sure. He's had his bad moments, true. People still talk about his performance in Lisbon last season when he did indeed have a very poor 90 minutes. But what is less mentioned is that up until that night Caldwell had been playing well. He had made a decent start to his Celtic career. After Lisbon he clearly lost a bit of confidence and struggled until he picked up the injury that kept him out for over 3 months. By the time he came back Celtic players were dreadful en masse.
More recently, he gave away a stupid unnecessary penalty that led to 2 dropped points at Tynecastle. It was a stupid, reckless challenge that didn't need to be made. Criticism merited. But again, it's conveniently forgotten that the Hearts game was sandwiched in between two vital European games against Shaktar and Milan, and, at the risk of being blasphemous once more, Caldwell acquitted himself very well in both of those games.
Against St Mirren at the weekend he didn't play particularly well, but then against St Mirren at the weekend who did play well? Are we to beat a guy with a stick for having a poor game when everyone else on the park was just as bad? The truly infuriating thing about the abuse Caldwell receives is that he's not only playing out of position, he also works his ass off for 90 minutes of any given game and never tries to hide no matter how bad he or the team may be playing.
Yet still he is greeted with a chorus of Furfuxsake Caldwell! whenever a pass goes astray, or he misses a tackle or he fails to skip past 4 players and rifle one into the top corner from 20 yards. Worse, listen as whoever has the ball turns and rolls it out to our makeshift Right Back and you'll usually hear a muttering of Whit yeh passen tae him fur!. He hasn't even got the ball yet and 'supporters' are having a go at him. Usually the ball is being passed to him because he's the only player who's bothered to put himself into a position receive the pass, but hey, I suppose it's easier to have a go at a player than consider that.
The irony of the Caldwell debate is that there are, amongst his critics, people who would play Bobo Balde ahead of him. For those of you too young to remember, Bobo is an internationally recognised bomb threat of a defender - so much so that the US military have drawn up contingency plans to abduct and secure him should there be any danger of him falling into the hands of Al-Qaeda.
Gary Caldwell is no right back. He's a short term stop-gap playing in a position he clearly isn't comfortable playing in. Hopefully we can solve that problem in the January transfer window, but until then we're stuck with the problem. We rightly moaned when Petrov was continually played on the right by MON. We still do it when Strachan plays Brown out wide. And in doing so we give those players the benefit of the doubt when they turn in a poor performance - because they aren't playing in their natural position. It's about time we give the same benefit of the doubt to Gary Caldwell. And it's about time we give him the credit he's due for sticking to the task despite all the criticism he has to endure each week.
I'll finish by leaving you some questions to ponder for homework. Who is more deserving of criticism? A player playing out of position, who puts in 100% effort and makes the most of his limited talent? The manager who continually plays the player out of position? Or a player with natural ability and talent who puts in 50% effort and who's contribution to the cause is way below what could be expected of him? It seems to The Paranoid Tim that there are people at Celtic Park more deserving of criticism than Gary Caldwell.
It's not often that The Paranoid Tim is so taken by the collective mutterings of football fans that he feels compelled to pen an article for posting on his puffed up and self-important (yet barely read) little corner of cyberspace, but in this case he'll make an exception. A chant such as this is surely worth bringing to the consciousness of those not yet fortunate enough to have encountered it during their own spiritual journey of following the hoops.
With this in mind, and in the hope that the chant can be spread to all corners of every stadium in the land, here's a little guide for how to successfully join in with the latest craze around Celtic Park.
1. Take your seat in the stadium. It's best to get there early in order to ensure you don't annoy everyone around you by turning up 5 minutes late, forcing half the people on your row to stand and let you past.
2. Use the time before kick off to prepare you for the following 90 minutes. This should involve slowly building up levels of irritation and exasperation. A good method of doing this is to go for a pie (expensive, greasy AND lukewarm), or by browsing Gordon Strachan's team selection and noting with disapproval that Derek Riordan still isn't getting a game. Doing this in the presence of another supporter on the same spiritual chanting quest as yourself will speed up the process of building levels of exasperation, as will watching the footage of previous Celtic games on the screens.
3. By kick off you should be tingling with annoyance. The hairs on the back of your neck should be up and trying to have a square go with a steward. If you can keep them under control, focus your energies on being irritated that the huddle isn't what it used to be in the good old days when players knew what it meant to wear the Hoops; when they knew what it meant to do the huddle (and when they knew what it meant to go seasons at a time winning hee-haw). Channel that annoyance into your rapidly building pool of irritability.
4. The start of the game is vital, and you must remain completely focused on the task at hand. Use the first few minutes wisely. Late arrivals who force the people in the seats in front of you to stand, blocking your view of another ball being launched up towards big Jan, can be used to increase the sourness of your mood. Particularly if they have a pie and coke. Mutter under your breath, but remain focused. Should Celtic score an early goal, join in the celebrations, but never lose sight of the fact that you had twenty quid on Brown to score the first goal and that wee bastard McDonald has done you out of a pile of cash.
5. And now for the chant. It can come at any time, so you have to be prepared to join in as and when it happens. Signs to look out for, which may herald an imminent eruption of the chant, include the following; Celtic losing a goal, or being behind at any stage in a match; The opposition keeping the ball from our bewildered midfield for more than 10 seconds; Celtic being unable to keep possession for 3 passes; Celtic not being ahead at any point after 10 minutes; the ball being passed towards our number 5. Should any of these conditions arise the chant can start
Furfuxsake Caldwell!
Listen to it ring round the stadium, and, should you feel brave enough, join in!
Okay, so we're being a little silly. But there is a serious point in amongst all that guff that you've just had to read through. Sure it's buried away deep inside endless lines of nonsense, but I'm sure if you look hard enough you can perhaps see the jist of an argument staring back at you with a rabid, frenzied glare last seen on Iain Ferguson's fizzog that time someone tried to explain Calculus to him.
But for those of you who skipped all that excess wordage, here is the point. There are an alarming number of Celtic fans who seem to want nothing better than to watch certain Celtic players fail while wearing the Hoops. There are an alarming number of 'supporters' who spend their 90 minutes on a Saturday watching and waiting for certain Celtic players to make a mistake that gives them a chance to jump all over the players back. And there are an alarming number of Celtic supporters who will do this week in, week out, regardless of how the player in question is actually playing.
Currently, Celtic have two whipping bhoys. Evander Sno is spared much of it because he barely plays. But he only has to appear from the dugout for the murmurs to start. Gary Caldwell, on the other hand, has to endure 90 minutes of moans and murmurs and furfuxsakeCaldwells every time he takes to the field.
Now the following opinion may be controversial to some of you. What I'm about to say may be some sort of footballing blasphemy along the lines of Dylan going electric, but I'll say it anyway. Gary Caldwell is not the worst player ever to pull on the Hoops. He isn't even the worst player in our current squad. Gary Caldwell is actually a decent, solid (if average) footballer.
There. I've said it. Deep breathe. Take a second to ponder that, all you Furfuxsake Caldwell! chanters. Allow the thought to permeate into your consciousness and let it gently simmer there while I explain why I think such blasphemous thoughts.
I'll take last nights match against Falkirk as an example. Caldwell had a good game. He wasn't spectacular, but then he never is. No one is suggesting that he's any kind of Cafu while playing at Right Back. But boy does he put in a good shift. For 90 minutes last night he worked the right hand side from box to box, always making himself available, never hiding from a pass, always willing to provide an outlet and offer support where needed. For 90 minutes he played good balls down the line for Scott McDonald to run on to, usually following up his own pass to provide support. And while others in the team are content to launch the high ball up the park whenever possible, Caldwell usually looked for feet, or for the run, or for the simple pass out of a tight situation. Defensively, he made one vital block that kept the scoreline at 1-0, and provided good cover throughout the 90 minutes.
Yet despite this, come the 75th minute he played a poor pass straight to a Falkirk player and it started. Furfuxsake Caldwell! 3-0 against a team down to 10 men, he's barely put a foot wrong all night, and still it happens.
Now I'm not saying for a minute that Gary Caldwell was man of the match. But he did have a good, solid game. And that's usually what you get from him. Rarely spectacular, but in the same light, rarely dreadful - yet more blasphemy, I'm sure. He's had his bad moments, true. People still talk about his performance in Lisbon last season when he did indeed have a very poor 90 minutes. But what is less mentioned is that up until that night Caldwell had been playing well. He had made a decent start to his Celtic career. After Lisbon he clearly lost a bit of confidence and struggled until he picked up the injury that kept him out for over 3 months. By the time he came back Celtic players were dreadful en masse.
More recently, he gave away a stupid unnecessary penalty that led to 2 dropped points at Tynecastle. It was a stupid, reckless challenge that didn't need to be made. Criticism merited. But again, it's conveniently forgotten that the Hearts game was sandwiched in between two vital European games against Shaktar and Milan, and, at the risk of being blasphemous once more, Caldwell acquitted himself very well in both of those games.
Against St Mirren at the weekend he didn't play particularly well, but then against St Mirren at the weekend who did play well? Are we to beat a guy with a stick for having a poor game when everyone else on the park was just as bad? The truly infuriating thing about the abuse Caldwell receives is that he's not only playing out of position, he also works his ass off for 90 minutes of any given game and never tries to hide no matter how bad he or the team may be playing.
Yet still he is greeted with a chorus of Furfuxsake Caldwell! whenever a pass goes astray, or he misses a tackle or he fails to skip past 4 players and rifle one into the top corner from 20 yards. Worse, listen as whoever has the ball turns and rolls it out to our makeshift Right Back and you'll usually hear a muttering of Whit yeh passen tae him fur!. He hasn't even got the ball yet and 'supporters' are having a go at him. Usually the ball is being passed to him because he's the only player who's bothered to put himself into a position receive the pass, but hey, I suppose it's easier to have a go at a player than consider that.
The irony of the Caldwell debate is that there are, amongst his critics, people who would play Bobo Balde ahead of him. For those of you too young to remember, Bobo is an internationally recognised bomb threat of a defender - so much so that the US military have drawn up contingency plans to abduct and secure him should there be any danger of him falling into the hands of Al-Qaeda.
Gary Caldwell is no right back. He's a short term stop-gap playing in a position he clearly isn't comfortable playing in. Hopefully we can solve that problem in the January transfer window, but until then we're stuck with the problem. We rightly moaned when Petrov was continually played on the right by MON. We still do it when Strachan plays Brown out wide. And in doing so we give those players the benefit of the doubt when they turn in a poor performance - because they aren't playing in their natural position. It's about time we give the same benefit of the doubt to Gary Caldwell. And it's about time we give him the credit he's due for sticking to the task despite all the criticism he has to endure each week.
I'll finish by leaving you some questions to ponder for homework. Who is more deserving of criticism? A player playing out of position, who puts in 100% effort and makes the most of his limited talent? The manager who continually plays the player out of position? Or a player with natural ability and talent who puts in 50% effort and who's contribution to the cause is way below what could be expected of him? It seems to The Paranoid Tim that there are people at Celtic Park more deserving of criticism than Gary Caldwell.
posted by Moravcik67 @ 3:46 PM
19 comments
19 Comments:
Totally agree 100% - he doesn't deserve all the grief he's getting!
Who's only putting in 50%
Spot on. Caldwell is an honest, hard working player that some of the higher earners with long, long names should emulate.
It all went the way of the pear for him once he injured David Fernandez. He genuinely felt gutted about the incident and proceded to hand Benfica a victory in Lisbon just days later. No sooner had he regained some self belief then he was struk by a lengthy injury.
Gary Caldwell gives 100% for Celtic playing in the wrong position, and doesn't go moaning to the press like some other players past and present. For that and that alone I salute him.
Hail Hail
The myth of us being great fans is at the heart of this. In all the time I've been going to CP its been the same. Some fans think that demolishing confidence is going to help the person to do better. Or, perhaps worse still they don't care if it harms the team. What you have written could have been said about Paul Telfer and a whole list of others from the past. We hear how bad we are as fans when the managers of opposition teams talk of being tight at the start of a game so as to get Celtic fans on the backs of the team. They're right it works every time. A large number of our 'fans' turn up to moan rather than to support the team. Frankly it must be an awful team to play for if you aren't on form.
Who is only giving 50% in your opinion.
b2k
Also 100% agree! Caldwell might not be a great defender but he is decent, blasphemous but I'd have him playing at the back before McManus. He's stronger on the ground and in the air and more of an organiser.
The stick Celtic players get is out of order, but the stick Caldwell and Sno get is disgusting. Sno again is a decent player, he can be frustrating when he takes time on the ball but then that's a cultural difference. In Holland you get more time on the ball than the often school-ground-like SPL. Sno actually spreads the ball around really well - yes he suffers in the faster paced games but he'll learn - he is only 19!
And Caldwell suffers as well I believe with people assuming he's older than he is, he's the same age as McManus for God's sake! McManus is let off for his failings as he's got plenty of time to learn... why isn't Caldwell?
I'm guessing 50% will be big Jan.
The 50% effort comment wasn't aimed at anyone in particular. It was intended as a hypothetical question about who deserves the criticism - players who work hard to make the most of their limited talent or players who have bags of talent yet don't contribute as much as they can because they don't have that same work ethic.
But there are certainly players in the current squad we should expect more from given their talent and experience - Donati, Jarosik and JVoH spring to mind. And no, I'm not saying they only give 50%.
It took you a long time to say it, but I agree. Gary Caldwell is a good honest professional, who doesn't deserve the grief that he has been getting. In fact, no player who wears our beloved hoops should get get grief during a game - only encouragement. The time to criticise is when the game is over!
It's usually the same guys who can't stay for the whole 90 minutes, but don't start me on that one.
As for "best fans in the world", the largest movement of fans with virtually zero trouble shouldn't be seen as some license to gloat, it was merely our finest hour.
hear hear. totally agree with you, i had to sit through the whole shakhtar game with a big cunt beside me shoutin "ya wanker ye!!" everytime gary got the ball.
caldwell is one of our most consistant players, and i totally agree with this article.
My dear friend, Moravcik(?) and/or The Paranoid Tim....
Undoubtedly,yours is one of the most entertaining and illuminating efforts,I have enjoyed.....based on the habits and mores of the genus... Fanus Celtica...
Bravo!
Your prose is exhilarating, your use of the English tongue....is intoxicating... in long or short... an accolade must be winged, to your good self.
YA Done GOOD KID!
Kojo.
Yer pal....who thinks ye ur swell!
Loved reading that, i'm at Parkhead every week and I agree with every single word. Spot on
How original for some to leap to the defence of an average (not good) player who is quite entitled to give 100% every week. He's being paid enough money to give his all. People pay good money to watch a decent, entertaining game of football and are quite entitled to provide opinions regarding any player. You should maybe note that it's not just a couple of people who hold this opinion, but a large groundswell. Gary Caldwell is not the worst player in the team, but he is one of the poorest defenders that has ever graced the Hoops. The frustration that peole show towards Mr. Caldwell would maybe be better targetted towards the people who pick the team. It's no longer fun to watch Celtic play- not that this will stop me!. It was embarrassing to see Falkirk give us a football lesson for periods during the match and we only took control of the game after the sending-off.
So let people have their opinion- that's what football is all about.
The comparison with Balde is a wee bit off. Balde is not a footballer, he is a defender, and at defending the best at the club. I would wager that balde has a better pass completion rate than Caldwell. Count how many times Caldwell loses posession, not in dangerous areas, but loses none the less. Strachan seems to omit Balde as he does not fit the 'Footballing' ethos. BUT McManus and Caldwell (and Kennedy for that matter) have no more passing ability than Balde. Balde just looks ungainly, tad unfair.
Caldwell is nowhere near being one of the worst defenders to grace the hoops. Absolutely nowhere near it. Rudi Vata, Bobo Balde, De shite, the legendary Du Wei, Mo Camara and the most memorable defender of all Marc McNally.
You can only criticise a player out of position for showing a lack of effort, which he has not. There are a lot of good young defenders at celtic, all of whom are partial to throwing goals away. Kennedy, Mcmanus & Caldwell all suspects. Its inexperience and lack of composure, Pressley is not the most talented of defenders at parkhead, but when he came on against Shaktar the defence was a lot more composed. The experience and level headedness compensated for what he lacked elsewhere and he calmed the back 4 down. Given time Im sure they will turn out to be good defenders.
Caldwell is just one of a number of players who shouldn't be getting anywhere near a Celtic first team, I agree that criticsm is in no way conducive to lifting a players confidence levels, but by directing this criticsm at the weak links of the team atleast lets the management know where they are failing us as fans. I don't for one second feel that Strachan has filled the team with the best transfers available to him. On the Bobo Balde score, does anyone really think that the Rangers forward line would have had as much joy in our last visit to Ibrox if he was playing? I certainly don't!
Anyone who thinks Caldwell is one of the worst defenders ever to pull on the Hoops must be a recent arrival at Celtic Park. As for Falkirk giving us a football lesson, that blame lies squarely on the shoulders of our manager and the midfield, who couldn't have tackled the proverbial fish supper the other night.
I fail to see how this has anything to do with Gary Caldwell. There's too much bandwagon jumping going on over him. He's the easy target. Too many people boo the likes of Caldwell regardless of how he is playing, and that is the point. As I said in the article, criticise him when it's merited. But how about showing some appreciation when he, or anyone else, has a good game, instead of just sitting waiting for a mistake.
Directing the criticism towards the weak links lets the management know where they're letting us down? Are you serious? That's your excuse for slating players regardless of how well they may be playing? Like I said, criticise when it's merited, but how about holding back when it isn't.
Well written and enjoyed reading article, but...What's this all about? A wee bit too much of a naval gazing exercise this one. We've always had furfuxsake players- every team has. Its part of being a football 'supporter'. It's healthy! Don't deprive us of these cathartic, stress relieving moments. We shouldn't be too precious about ourselves. I like most Celtic supporters enjoy any success and would ideally prefer it to be done in the 'traditional' style but realistically playing in a restricted league we are going to have a lot more forfuxsake players- enjoy.
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